As I sit here mind reeling racing
Uncertain of the future
I know that at any moment you can be taken away. But at the same time how can you have thoughts that the world and almost everyone in it would benefit from the removal of me from this world.
The people that I love and would miss me would have a gigantic burden lifted from their shoulders. At least then I could be remembered for a positive life. That being said.....NO I do not have a death wish no I am not going to off myself. I have seen first hand what that does. I just can not seem to shake the thought of "why didn't I die?" the birth of my son would have never happened is the biggest reason. It is just hard because in the past few years I have done nothing but dig us deeper. This is the point where most reach for religion. In my life I have reached out several times to no result or peace.
Now I know I am lucky to survive the things I have or had someone watching over me. But how about when my friend took his own life? Or how about when my best friend has a daughter stricken with disease and only to live until 8 years old.
What plan is there in that? Or another friend in a wreck very similar to mine. He doesn't survive. While in the hospital he kept my spirits up. But I don't get to return the favor. Now explain to me what "gods plan" is in all of that? I don't want to denounce or put down religion just please see how I don't have much faith in it.
